My Journey
Ready for More, Taking on Less, and Being Quiet
It’s wonderful to be writing to you all again after a very full and fulfilling few months. As usual, I’ve relished the opportunity to participate in engagements across a range of topics. Over a recent 2-month period, I spoke at a Dartmouth College mental health and faith event, participated in a national board meeting, moderated a conference panel on art and psychiatry, gave a keynote at the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), and presented several seminars and interviews on my university campus. In between these events, I sprinkled in family-related travel and celebrations. Of course, I also continued to direct my research lab, and somehow managed to submit a major new research grant application.
![Top left photo - Amy Newman on the left, wearing a blue dress, Nii Addy in the middle, wearing a grey suit, and Yeka Aponte, on the right, wearing a green button down shirt and jeans, all smiling at the camera. Top right photo – Nii Addy standing in a room with several post-baccalaureate students all smiling at the camera and making a peace sign with their hands. Bottom left photo – Picture of “The Dartmouth Co-Op” building on the Dartmouth College campus. Bottom right photo – Nii Addy sitting at a table wearing a blue suit and speaking into a microphone, with John Krystal seated to the left wearing a black suit, and Imo Imeh to the right wearing a blue suit.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a8ca9e0-7ca0-4779-8e62-9f2cf1c9bfee_2270x1769.jpeg)
![Top left photo - Amy Newman on the left, wearing a blue dress, Nii Addy in the middle, wearing a grey suit, and Yeka Aponte, on the right, wearing a green button down shirt and jeans, all smiling at the camera. Top right photo – Nii Addy standing in a room with several post-baccalaureate students all smiling at the camera and making a peace sign with their hands. Bottom left photo – Picture of “The Dartmouth Co-Op” building on the Dartmouth College campus. Bottom right photo – Nii Addy sitting at a table wearing a blue suit and speaking into a microphone, with John Krystal seated to the left wearing a black suit, and Imo Imeh to the right wearing a blue suit.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F867aefd9-6696-49fe-8bb1-5b5d63f5e4bc_4000x3000.jpeg)
![Top left photo - Amy Newman on the left, wearing a blue dress, Nii Addy in the middle, wearing a grey suit, and Yeka Aponte, on the right, wearing a green button down shirt and jeans, all smiling at the camera. Top right photo – Nii Addy standing in a room with several post-baccalaureate students all smiling at the camera and making a peace sign with their hands. Bottom left photo – Picture of “The Dartmouth Co-Op” building on the Dartmouth College campus. Bottom right photo – Nii Addy sitting at a table wearing a blue suit and speaking into a microphone, with John Krystal seated to the left wearing a black suit, and Imo Imeh to the right wearing a blue suit.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F12f82eab-e2ce-4e0b-a388-a294d2610c43_4000x3000.jpeg)
![Top left photo - Amy Newman on the left, wearing a blue dress, Nii Addy in the middle, wearing a grey suit, and Yeka Aponte, on the right, wearing a green button down shirt and jeans, all smiling at the camera. Top right photo – Nii Addy standing in a room with several post-baccalaureate students all smiling at the camera and making a peace sign with their hands. Bottom left photo – Picture of “The Dartmouth Co-Op” building on the Dartmouth College campus. Bottom right photo – Nii Addy sitting at a table wearing a blue suit and speaking into a microphone, with John Krystal seated to the left wearing a black suit, and Imo Imeh to the right wearing a blue suit.](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7cef2f5b-ae5e-480e-8447-c280609444d0_5184x3456.jpeg)
In the middle of this busy season, someone recently asked how I’d been spending my time. I legitimately had to pause and think, “What city was I in last week?!”
The fact that I had to ask myself that question was surprising and disorienting. Admittedly, it’s nice to feel wanted. I’d be dishonest if I pretended that these requests didn’t enhance my sense of self-worth. It’s gratifying to have different organizations, campus groups, strategic committees, and conferences ask me to contribute to their endeavors. It’s wonderful when my keynote talks, feedback, or programmatic suggestions are well-received. At the same time, I fully acknowledge the danger of placing my worth in my productivity or contributions.
But even beyond this personal validation, I’ve seen how much I’ve grown through these opportunities. My engagements inform one another. As a result, I’m much more equipped to meaningfully contribute to various initiatives. In that regard, I’m blessed to participate in events that foster my personal and professional growth, and my ability to positively impact people’s lives.
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This past March, I was honored to speak at the New Jersey Reentry Corporation’s (NJRC) Annual Conference. This event is hosted by NJRC Executive Director and former New Jersey governor, Jim McGreevey. NJRC is on “a social mission to remove all barriers to employment for citizens returning from jail or prison.” This year’s conference theme of “Mental Health is Everybody’s Business,” focused on those reentering society from prison or from military service.
In our opening panel, we delved into challenging and intersecting topics of mental health, access to services, the role of government, the impact of the criminal justice system, and more. At one point, I started discussing policies that can limit access to mental health interventions in the abstinence of a crisis. That point of crisis can sometimes involve the criminal justice system. Governor McGreevey then asked me a pointed question (43:15 in the YouTube link below):
“Can you talk about why that's so important, in terms of the brain reaction of the individual. I've seen families wanting to do the right thing and the disconnect between policies whether it's criminal justice… and the individual, and the family. But what's happening in the brain of the individual at that [mental health] crisis point?”
Had I been asked that question 10 years ago, I would have frozen in that moment. I’d rather disappear than address a pointed question in an opening conference session, with 600 people in the room. In addition to the audience, my fellow panelists included a respected community member with lived experience, the current NJRC medical director, and the current president of the American Psychiatric Association! I could have easily thought of the many reasons I shouldn’t answer the question.
“This is outside my area of expertise.” “I don’t work with people in crisis situations.” “I don’t typically account for the criminal justice system in my research questions.” “What if my answer is misunderstood or taken out of context?”
Instead, something remarkable happened. I immediately thought back to conversations I’d had at a prior speaking engagement, with a law student whose family member is living with severe mental illness. I remembered the student describing the legal challenges which impacted when and how mental health professionals and law enforcement could intervene. I thought of neuroscience research in rodents that has provided key insights into how the brain responds in stressful situations. I thought about the panic that quickly arises when any one of us is in crisis. I thought about how interactions with law enforcement during a mental health crisis would impact future interactions with police. I thought about the emotions of family members when their loved one is experience a mental health challenge but being mistreated by law enforcement. And I thought of ways each of us can have a tendency to withdraw or isolate, in the midst of challenge.
As I thought through all these components, I was able to quickly give an informed answer. To my surprise, my comments were met with several nods of agreement and some “Amen’s” from the audience. I was even a bit taken back by how quickly I responded in way that resonated with the audience and the Governor.
………
This is just one example from one scenario. But more often than not, I find myself equipped to provide feedback, support and guidance at events and in meetings. Sometimes it’s related to diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. Other times, it relates to practical approaches for inviting a speaker, hosting a panel discussion, organizing a forum, or engaging community partners. I’ve provided feedback on the best ways to encourage participation in a small group of students, faculty, or community members. On a wider scale, I’ve also provided advice and guidance to governor’s offices seeking to effectively address mental health challenges in their state.
In many of these instances, I’m simply synthesizing the knowledge I’ve gained from a wide range experiences and engagements over the years. But there are also times where a different set of thoughts come to mind - even while I’m sharing helpful information.
“This is not the best use of my time.”
Then I suddenly realize that I should probably politely decline the next invitation to join a particular meeting. This is not to imply that I should back out of my ongoing obligations. But with the increasing number of requests comes the challenge of remaining effective in my different endeavors. Just because I can provide insight into a specific situation or scenario, does not that mean I should.
So even as I’ve become equipped for more, I’m still learning the skill of taking on less. Maybe I don’t need to interject at every opportunity, or always try to sharpen or improve someone’s approach. I’ll admit. This is a new challenge for me. Especially since I’ve been so content to stay in background for much of my professional life. While I previously had to push myself to speak in most settings, I’ve now reached a point where I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut!!
Wellness Tip
This month’s wellness tip is a simple phrase of advice.
Learn to ask why.
I remember hearing this from a mentor who was speaking to a group of early career professors. I believe this advice is highly applicable for all of us. We’ve all had times where we’ve been asked to help a friend with a project, or been asked to join a committee, to complete a requested work-related task, or to assist with a family matter. But at some point, in the middle of helping, we start to wonder, “Why am I doing this?”
Maybe the task has taken us away from another important obligation. Or perhaps we suddenly realize that the person who asked for help didn’t really need our help after all. Maybe we feel like we’re being taken advantage of. Perhaps we were only asked to join a group so others could check a box and have better representation across different identities. But we now realize that they did not truly value our input.
Instead of coming to these realizations after the fact, it can be helpful to ask “why” before we commit to a request. We can state the question out loud, for instance asking someone, “Why would like me to assist?” or “Why did my name come to your mind, for this request?” We can also ask this “why” question internally. In other words, what is our internal motivation (or our internal “why”)? Why are we serving in that capacity, taking on that task, or adding on new responsibilities? Granted, there could be pressing personal or family needs that lead us to accept a request. In that instance, the answer to “why” might be based on need.
Other times, perhaps we were asked to do something that we’re passionate about, or that we see as an important opportunity to invest in others. There are also times where we need to be honest and ask ourselves if we’re doing something to avoid the guilt of saying no. Or maybe we feel pressured to say yes, or we feel like saying yes will build our self-worth. As I recently heard from artist, writer and speaker, Sho Baraka, when I joined his Good Culture podcast, we sometimes problematically say yes to uphold a certain image. As he shared, “It’s not that it’s always the injustice that we care about. It’s once we’ve established a brand, that I’m that type of person that care’s about injustices, now I have to care about all injustices that my friend’s think I should care about.”
Asking why can also be beneficial for our emotional wellness. Too many times, I’ve seen people who continually say “yes” on impulse. Before they know it, they’re overcommitted and find themselves burned out, frazzled, and stressed to the point of irritation and exhaustion.
So I encourage you to reflect on your why, and to thoughtfully consider this healthy why question the next time your receive a request for your time and effort.
A Look Ahead
I referenced an opportunity I had to join Sho Baraka on his Good Culture podcast. But you can also check out my recent conversation with Sho on the Addy Hour podcast. In this timely discussion, Sho shares four key ways each of us can effectively pursue our calling. Refreshingly, he provides this guidance, even while acknowledging his own successes and challenges pursuing his vocational calling. We also reflect on what it means to engage and care for our local and global community. In the scope of community, we discuss neurodiversity and inclusivity, as Sho shares his perspective as the father of two sons living on the autism spectrum.